care makes you a bada$$. talk about it like one.

You've got real skills. Here's how to talk about them with friends, family, and everyone else.

Over 40% of us are unpaid caregivers — managing logistics, advocating for others, making high-stakes decisions on the daily. These are real skills. Most of our everyday conversations just aren't built to recognize them.

Let’s change that. Here are tips for talking about what you do and the skills you've built doing it with your bestie, your cousin, the grocery clerk whose line you always choose.

Photo by William Fortunato, Pexels

How to talk about caregiving as a job

Whether you're working and caring at the same time, or have taken a break because of it, caring for others is a job. Skilled work. Intense work. The more we talk about it that way, the more everyone around us can too.

  • Caregiving isn’t ‘just helping out’ (though we often describe it that way). Use language that matches what you actually do Talent Show is a great place to start: ‘I've been managing my mom's care.’ Same reality, framed like the job it is.
  • If you've gone part time or stepped away from work entirely, you're still working. Start with something like, ‘I've moved into another full-time role caring for my brother,’ which names the transition AND the job at the same time.
  • Be specific about what you're actually learning. Instead of, ‘it's been a lot,’ try: ‘I've had to become an expert in things I never thought I'd need to know.’ or ‘I'm basically a project manager at this point…’. Name the skills and the growth alongside the intensity.
  • Remember: your skills aren’t going anywhere. Continue naming them, even when your caregiving changes or ends.
  • Know someone else in this role? Sharing this framing could help them see themselves in an entirely different (not to mention empowering) way.

Other tips for sharing

For most of us, care is a really big, really intense part of our lives. It’s only natural it will come up in conversation. Here’s some guidance on talking about it for the job it is and beyond.

For when you want to own it

  • Describe yourself like the bada$$ you are. Leadership, adaptability, high-stakes decision-making are what this role requires. Use those words.
  • When someone says ‘I don't know how you do it,’ try ‘there’s no other option, so I bring it the best I can’ — because you do.
  • Not everyone knows how to respond to what we do, and that's okay. Have some zingers in the queue for the moments that call for them. 'AI can't do my job.' 'We live in a care economy. I know how to care.' Use as needed, no explanation required.
  • Care can be serious work, but we don’t always have to be serious about it. Laughing at the chaos can quite literally be the best medicine.

For when you want real talk

  • Be real when asked ‘how are you?’ Lots of us default to 'I'm fine' or ‘I’m good’ — especially when we're exhausted. When it feels right, try 'It's been intense, and I'm in it' or whatever helps you explain both the good and not-so good bits of the role.
  • Tell others what real help looks like to you. Most folks want to help but don’t know where to start.
    • Be specific: ‘Could you handle a grocery drop-off?’ or ‘Can you check in midweek? It helps more than you know.’
    • On the flip side, if you know someone who’s in this role…don’t ask, ‘how can I help?’ Insert yourself into their life in ways that reflect what you do best.
  • Identify your 'red phone'. That person you call to vent, laugh, or reset — no explanations required. You could have more than one. Make it official. Tell them they're your ‘red phone’. A few minutes with someone who gets it can do a lot to lower intensity.

Caregiving builds real skills. Talking about it that way with the people who know us best is how we start to shift things, one conversation at a time.